I believe that every day of our lives we are given the opportunity to choose for ourselves whether or not we are aware of these opportunities. Every single day we stay on earth, we make numerous decisions not only for others but also for ourselves. To walk or not to walk? To go to school/work or not to go? To eat or not to eat? To do our homework or not to do it? To breathe or not to breathe? To continue living or to take my life away?
We may not know it at the time, but we all have choices. I had my choices, and I chose to preserve what God gave me even before I had any concept about what the world really is and the danger the world entails.
I chose to preserve my life.
I had many reasons to take my life away, most of them silly ones, but if you were in my place, the last thing on your mind would be to gauge whether those reasons make any sense at all.
When I was young, I detested the thought of suicide and loathed the idea of suicidal tendencies. I asked myself often, “How come these people even think about it? What on earth brought them to such perspective?” Life, for me then, was beautiful and precious.
However, as I grew up, I realized that life is indeed a fight, a battle, a war. In one word, life is hard. Sometimes, it is hard to see the true beauty in life when all you see is the ugliness in it: selfishness, greed, anger, pride, jealousy, and the likes. I was extremely weighed down by the troubles I experience that I forgot to see that there is sense in all of this, that one day I will reap the fruit of my hard work.
You would not realize how important something is to you unless you lose it. In my case, I did not completely lose my life. I only lost the will to live, which means the same to me. How can you continue living when you do not have the will to live?
I have to admit that until now, part of being suicidal remains in me. I had two or three suicide attempts, and I promise that suicide – or the attempt itself – is not good. But now that I see what marvelous things life holds for me, I gripped harder on the vehicles that keep me on the track of life: hope, patience, trust, and love. I am not perfect, and I am working towards improving myself with the help of the people around me.
I made my decision. I made my achievement. It is time you make yours. To preserve your life or to take it away?
What Tris Wants to Say 